New entrants: Wanna play, but you have no idea what to do? Read the rules and come back here.
First thank you to everyone for their contributions! We are only $75 shy for tonight’s goal!
If the goal is not met by midnight tonight, Kissy is putting his reading glasses away; he’ll save his special surprise for the next RLGL game which may happen whenever he feels like getting around to it. Woof.
Do not let the dog put the spectacles away. You won’t want to miss out on our special surprise which–hint, hint!–involves a literary agent from one of our country’s top agencies. SO …. if that’s not enough to get your tails wagging, we don’t know what will!
We’ve got some contenders going strong and some who are teetering on the edge. The game is really on now. Remember, any work can go down at anytime. So don’t get too confident. Really think about whether or not you are doing enough with each page turn to keep a distinguishing dog’s interest! If you just got the paw, don’t fret. Try another and see if that one does the trick! Arf!
Round 2 Results are COMPLETE. If you do not see your number here, you may have submitted your page AFTER the 8/18 deadline. If that is the case, your page will be considered in Round 3 which ends Tuesday, August 21 at 11:59PM (CST).
- Also, please make sure you send your submission to the sub AT wfcat DOT com address.
- Include the assigned # for the work in the subject line if you are on page 2 or greater.
- Try not to RESEND work because of an error on the first try. Really get it right the first time because this sorta thing gives Kissy inbox migraines. Grrrr.
An asterisk means Kissy is contemplating sending your work back. So try to turn it around if you can.
Please note: we gave up on feedback codes because it was slowing down our progress. So look at the notes column for your feedback.
Never want to miss another free-tique game again? Please make sure you are signed up for the free-tique email list for future games like RLGL!
Want to personally fund Kissy’s kibble? Consider having a paid critique instead.
Round 2 Results Below
|#||Type||Send in next 250 words||Back to start – Rd2||Notes|
|1||PB||X||Just not enough here story-wise for a PB to me. Deepen story, character development overall|
|4||MG||X||Not sure how page 1 says anything that much different from page 2. consider a stronger hook in your opening lines|
|5||PB||X*||Wishing this were told from a more child-like perspective but I’m curious to see where this goes.|
|6||YA||X*||This feels a bit more like MG than YA, content-wise, except for the very very beginning. Hmmm…|
|7||YA||X||Felt that the MC seemed to be trying too hard to sound like a teen. I’d break from stereotype a bit more, offer a twist|
|8||PB||X||The rhyme ultimately did not scan well enough for me. Proved to be distracting to the story|
|9||YA||X*||This has a bit of a sleepy start, so I would rethink how you begin this story. Nevertheless, I’m curious to see where this goes…|
|10||PB||X*||Fun, but I’m looking for more market value in the text. I’m curious to see where this goes though.|
|11||PB||X||Ultimately did not connect with the story as well as I would have liked for the PB audience. Could not find enough relatability.|
|14||PB||X*||Worries the premise may be too slight, but still want to see where this goes anyway.|
|16||PB||X||Overall, this didn’t feel big enough for a picture book. While charming, it also felt a bit too every-dayish. Was not completely grabbed by the concept.|
|17||PB||X||I still like the historical angle, but this did feel a bit old for a PB. Consider aging up somewhat, and doing a young MG novel, with this as a backdrop|
|19||YA||X||Something about this opening did not flow well-enough for me. I was a bit confused, logistically, as well.|
|20||PB||X*||Fun story but feel this is a more adult-oriented issue than a kid one. If the MC had a problem that kids often have at the target readership’s age, the MC’s dilemma would be that much more relatable. Want to see where this goes though. Curious.|
|21||YA||X*||Tighten the writing. Watch your -ings.|
|25||PB||X||This read a bit too old for a picture book, but it could work great if simplified OR expanded into a chapter book mystery with a bit more complexity…|
|37||PB||X*||The character is quite charming, but I worry about the style of the writing for a PB format (a bit wordy). I’ll see where this goes though…|
|41||CB||X||The writing still feels a bit robotic (mainly because the use of tags reads a bit ping-pongy). Smooth this out. I was also a bit confused, given the # of characters to keep track of so quickly.|
|43||YA||X*||Almost feels like an upper-MG voice in a teen novel. But I’ll go with it for now and see where this goes…|
|48||MG||X*||Funny but I’m not sure why this is so important to the MC.|
|54||YA||X*||I get where you’re going with this, but not sure this is the strongest of openings for this work. I’ll read on to see where this goes though…|
|55||MG||X*||Reveal what she had found in page 1 on Page 1, don’t lead on purpose when the MC would have seen and known what it was. Curious to see what happens next…|
|56||PB||X||Ultimately could not connect with the story as well as I would have liked. Had hoped for a spinoff that felt noticeably different than the original one, or more surprising with each page turn.|
|57||CB||X||Starting to read a bit more like a young MG novel (versus chapter book) given the pacing…|
|59||MG||X||Liked the story idea here but the execution felt a bit forced. Consider starting elsewhere. Like the moment things got different for the mc.|
|62||MG||X*||The flow of events is very uneven, making this a bit confusing. But I enjoy the voice; just hope I don’t run into this issue too much|
|68||YA||X*||Pacing is dragging. A lot of words to get across the same point, over and over again….|
|72||YA||*X||I’m a little confused by what the characters are trying to do, but I’m also intrigued by the overall premise Slow down a little and give me more context so I can get what’s going on.|
|75||YA||X||The transition between p1 and p2 is abrupt. Almost like two different stories. Also, I worry the MC seems a shade unlikeable. She can have lots of sass, but this page as written makes her sound a bit mean. Scale back some what so I can develop more empathy.|
|200||PB||X||Hoping this doesn’t end up feeling slight in the end, but I enjoyed the charm of this text|
|201||X||Felt a bit melodramatic. Must be able to know the character a little first before I can empathize with the situation at its emotional height|
|202||PB||X||Rhyme didn’t scan for me|
|203||PB||X||Like the matter-of-fact style, let’s see where this goes|
|204||PB||X||Strange, but intriguing, could be a bit less adult-oriented as an opening though|
|206||PB||X||Like the fun and the animal, just thought the overall concept could be more universal, kid-relatable|
|208||PB||X||Reads a bit older than the current format, consider moving this voice to an older work, longer format.|
|209||PB||X||Didn’t immediately connect with the opening. Try stylizing the prose even more so it reads more rhythmically. More fun!|
|210||PB||X||This seems to have a slow start and the style is also less conducive to really great visuals in scene-form. See Revision 911 Articles for PB.|
|211||PB||X||Common concept, find a more unique way to execute this concept. G93(with appealing, yet unappealing visuals)|
|212||PB||X||Felt very short-storyish for PB. Tighten the writing so that more is conveyed in fewer words. Or consider taking on longer format works for the writing voice.|
|213||MG||X*||A bit concerned this moves to flashback so quickly…|
|214||PB||X||Felt a bit slight|
|215||PB||X||This reads older than a PB, perhaps Chapter Book for the style and the character’s voices if content was just a bit older. Feels like a mismatch overall for the PB format|
|216||PB||X*||I like this character but feel like this could go to 1st person, longer format …|
|217||CB||X*||Writing could be tightened but I’ll see where this goes …|
|219||PB||X||Fun but the first stanza was hard to swallow, pardon my pun. Start differently.|
|221||PB||X||Great but common premise, so find a more unique way to kick off the book. Current elements don’t feel as universal as they could with the secondary character. Hoping for a snappier, even more comical open. More standout-ish.|
|222||MG||X*||This is teetering on the edge of overwriting. Don’t try too hard or it breaks the voice a little. I’d eliminate the direct address in the opening lines as well. Breaks reality for a split second|
|223||PB||X||Did not immediately connect with the quirky premise as a picture book. Perhaps as a slightly older anthropomorphic novel, I might have read on a little more to see where this is going. But as a PB, hard for me to connect with in terms of relatability/universality for the kindergarten crew.|
|224||MG||X*||Direct address to reader in an opener is so commonplace in manuscripts. Enjoyed the voice but I’d tweak just a little to remove the direct address. Breaks that 4th wall.|
|227||PB||X*||Like the concept, but wondered if the animal could be something that has a tendency to have this sort of behavior. That might feel tighter|
|229||MG||X||Writing could use a slight bit of tigtening.|
|230||YA||X||The opening with the backstory jammed in is disrupting the flow of your opening. Consider starting out at a slightly less intense spot and watch how your work in backstory so that it flows more naturally|
|231||PB||X||Fairly common premise, wished for much stronger opening with more energy in the telling. Find a way to pizzazz this up and increase the pace.|
|232||PB||X*||I’m curious to see where this goes, but I’m also worried that this story will feel slight overall if it really doesn’t pack a lot of punch.|
|233||PB||X*||The text needs illus notes to help understand the story. Could not figure it out, so make sure to put illos notes in when they are required to understand the story|
|234||PB||X||This reads much older than a picture book, in terms of style mostly, but also the character’s voice. Consider using your writing voice to write older works, like a chapter book.|
|236||PB||X*||Parts of this I found disturbing and would rework, but I’m curious to see where this goes|
|238||ER||X||Unfortunately, this read very much like an older work (CB or MG), I was also a bit confused by what was going on but there is merit in the writing here. Just wished it fit the format better.|
|239||MG||X*||This is a bit mired in backstory AND uses the monologue approach (commonplace in MG openings). Hoping something turns around soon|
|240||YA||X*||The prologue wasn’t working for me. Felt a bit forced, melodramatic? was hoping it had started with just Chapter One….|
|241||PB||X||This definitely has potential as a board book or simple young PB but I needed the educational concept to be built in more logically and tightly.|
|242||PB||X||The rhyme didn’t scan well enough for me but the concept had some potential.|
|244||PB||X||It’s hard for me to connect with an opening that uses personification in this way where the elements feels a bit loose when you consider what is being personified. 🙁 .|