Round 8 Results COMPLETE, Round 9 open for entries

UPDATE:  Still $85 short for Round 9, and tonight (9/17/2012)’s deadline is fast approaching!  

Congratulations # 618, you won a free-tique in the PB category! Stay tuned for details after RLGL is over.

Page-off-People, you all cleared 8 pages at the same time. You’re tied. The page-off for a free-tique win will take place in Round 9.  For Round 9, please submit your manuscript ATTACHED as a Word doc, beginning from the top of page 1 all the way to 6250 words. In the subject line, put Page-Off, Format, TITLE OF MS.   (e.g. Page-Off, MG, THE CLOCK STRUCK TWELVE).  Kissy will paw through your pages and mark the page where he stopped reading.  Whoever gets the most pages read by Kissy wins the free-tique. Results will be posted in Round 9 Results.

New Entrants, Old Entrants who have missed prior rounds, and those who have received Round 8 results, you may submit for Round 9.  The deadline is Monday 09/17/12 at 11:59pm CST.  Have no idea how to play? Read the rules here and come back.

Help us get to Round 9 by saving a furry life and clicking on this link and donating! A new fundraising goal has been set.

Yip yip!

Round 8ers, yippee! Kissy knew you all had it in you and then some.

Woof, woof, awoo!

Not only did you get Kissy in the Top 5, but you also met our original Round 8 goal and then some. THANK YOU!!!!!

Arf!

Kissy is going off to celebrate his Top 5-ness and leave me with the administration work.

Now that Round 8 has been reincarnated, all Round 8 entries submitted before the Round 8 deadline will be processed.  Please be patient while we go through these entries. We’ve got a lot going on over here on top of RLGL, so we hope you can be patient while Kissy gets his fur fluffed, nails trimmed, etc. etc.  We will get to your entries as soon as we can.

Round 8 Results *COMPLETE*

#       Type     Send in 250  Back to start   Notes

4 MG X While things changed for the MC, I just feel this scene needs to stand out a bit more to lay out what is to come overall … It needs more of a grab-the-reader-factor for us
6 MG X Your work is in the page-off
12 YA
26 CB
29 PB
38 MG X
40 MG X
44 YA
48 MG X You cleared P. 8. You’re in the page-off
50 YA
60 MG X* Interesting. Though I wasn’t totally convinced by ye olde voice. Maybe do a dash here and there for comprehension’s sake. It sounds a bit overworked.
61 YA X Hoping, hoping, there’s a bit more to this than what’s laid out…. Make this character feel a bit more 3-dimensional by cleverly working some details in.
62 MG X* See my note about heartless/cruel. Still need to temper somewhat or a reader will wonder why bothering with someone who is this mean.  She can still be snarky and have mean moments, but balance this out more.  You’re in the page-off.
64 YA X You cleared page 8. You are in the page-off.
67 MG X* I like what’s happening but I need to see WHY this is so important to the MC.  Just being young and doing it doesn’t seem like enough. Properly motivate this so I’m convinced she would disobey her dad like this. 
76
207 PB
213 MG
216 PB
217 CB
222 MG X* I like the writing, but the premise is making me a little nervous. Just unsure this would work for me, if I think what is going to happen is going to happen… I’ll give this another page…
224 MG X
225 MG X Ha!
226 MG X A somewhat slow start but I like the idea of this and I’ll keep reading to see what happens next…
227 PB
237 MG X
239 MG X
304 YA
307 MG X* This is strange but I’m curious.
313 MG X Yes, works much better as MG.
314 MG
319 PB
400 CB
407 PB X* This is a charming holiday premise but the telling feels so wordy for a picture book. I still want to see what happens
500 MG X* Felt rather sudden and unexpected. What happens… I almost need a better lead into this, so it doesn’t feel melodramatic or out of place. Hmm…..
501 MG
508 ER
509 YA
510 MG X* This got very strange, very fast. Not sure I was prepared for this book to take this kind of turn.. I’ll read another page and see how involved I feel with the story…. Hmmm
511 PB
514 MG
517 MG X
520 YA X* This intro is from an adult POV but I’m still curious to see what’s going on…
521 MG X* Feel like there are some tense issues here.
528 MG X* Find it a bit forced to have this extensive of a convo while doing what they’re doing.  Try to simplify this convo somewhat and then have a full on argument with full details afterward. Or perhaps give me some internal monologue from one of them so I can see what’s going on. Otherwise, it just fees a bit too unnatural.
529 PB
532 YA X
537 MG X* Maybe establish in the text if the MC is aware of her own lack of identity if you can …
538 MG X* I wondered if the past might actually freeze one of the characters in place versus make her this active.  Minor pt. though
600 PB
602 MG X Ooh!
603 PB
604 MG
605 YA
608 YA X The internal monologue goes on for a bit, especially when you look at what was last said by the MC. Surprised there is not a more immediate response of some sort from the other character. Minor pt. though.
609 MG X* Hmm, this conversation is going for a bit and I’m scanning for a bit more story (plot)… a lot of this feels like backstory jammed into dialogue.  If it keeps going like this for too long, it’ll started so sound fish…
613 PB X In the end, this worked itself out a little too predictably and lacked tension. Was really hoping for something unexpected and a bit more plotted.
615 CB X this furry friend is pretty adorable and quite kid-like, keep up the foreshadowing so I get a bigger sense of what will be tackled in this story that really means something. What’s at stake?
617 CB X I like this voice, feels a little older than a chapter book to me still, maybe this is a young MG.  Either way, let’s see where this goes…
618 PB X Free-tique Winner!  This needs some work but I feel there’s a lot of promise here if reworked into a different format? Are you game? Hit me up after RLGL for how to redeem your tique.
623 BB
624 PB X Felt the third page was anticlimactic, unfortunately. I wanted to also see more of an education hook to this – because it has potential for that – as a unique/quirky premise.
626 MG X* A little bit of trouble understanding what is on this page. Like what had happened with the other character while he was gone…
701 ER Unfortunately, we thought this ended a bit anticlimactically. For some reason we were anticipating more of a disaster but in the end we got something a bit flat.  Also more could be done to make this even more humorous.  Punch this up a few notches and deliver more of the unexpected by story’s end.
706 MG
709 PB X Even though this was about a fellow furry legged friend, in the end we needed a stronger premise. It didn’t make us think there was a big enough so-what throught page 2. 🙁
711 YA X Well-written but my issue is that this is mired in backstory before the forward story even kicks off. I’m grasping for the current story, I want to be hooked into the present before you send me back to fill in the blanks I’ll need ….
712 YA X* A bit concerned that the foreshadowing feels a bit too forced. Try not to hide things from the reader that the narrator already knows. This rarely reads naturally.
714 PB X Unfortunately, this was a bit anticlimactic for me. I didn’t feel there was enough of a story here to carry a picture book.
715 PB X* This still feels a bit loose and wordy, but I want to see where this goes because I like the humor and charm.  Though I thought Cow had a certain problem in Page 1. In Page 2, this doesn’t feel evident enough.
718 X* This is very cute, but wordier than necessary. Trim away and let’s see what happens next. I like the educational aspect to this as well.  I hope this has a clever ending to go with.
719 X The topic itself is a doable one for a PB, it’s the execution that feels a bit too quirky to me.
720 X
722
724 X I’m looking to see what the marketing angle or emotional value to this text might be…if I can’t find anything super strong by the next page, this might get the paw.
800 PB X The elements of this PB feel a bit random to me, that said there’s charm here. I just wonder if there’s so-what?  I’ll read another page and see where this goes…
801
802
803 PB X There’s a great concept to this but it could be much stronger  (right now it reads a bit too flat and lacks spark). Consider giving this one more of a story arc and an even stronger educational hook (have you tried A to Z?)
804 PB X Hard to connect with the premise.  Personification is not necessarily our thing, and this one felt a bit monotone visually to us.  Also felt like a clearer educational tie in might be more helpful for this one.
805 CB X
806 PB X This is written in a short story style and while the characters feel very life-like, I’m concerned this style overall results in a picture book that might be a bit more wordy than it should me. The opening also feels a bit everydayish and I wonder if the concept feels “big” enough to carry a PB.
807 PB X* Like the cumulative PB just hopes this has a great so-what to it. Was a bit concerned this feels a bit familiar to another PB that came out fairly recently.
808 CB X* Fun character but be careful of the monologue opening if it goes on too long, also Momma’s role here is kinda huge when compared to the Kiddo. I hope this doesn’t take over the opening.
809 PB X I like the idea of this, felt like this might work better at the K-level, but my main issue was the tune that was pickedis a December tune and school starts in September.  I’d try to pick a tune that is not tied to a religious holiday.  This felt too loose.
810 MG X* This feels a bit forced as an opening ( cluttered with lots of different details) Hard to keep track. Streamline this with some careful editing
811 PB X* This feels a bit familiar but I’m curious to see where this goes …  Reminds me of The Best Pet of All …so I hope this puts a bigger spin on things.
812 PB X This felt a bit mature for a PB text. As a creative nonfiction piece for an older kiddo, there’s possibilties.
813 PB X Good title, snappy rhyme, kiddo sensibility, we’re reading on…
814 PB X This one as a premise felt a bit weak. Execution is also a bit confusing. Hard to picture what is actually going on.
815 PB X* A bit wordy for a picture book, we’ll see where this goes and hope there’s a so-what.

 

4 thoughts on “Round 8 Results COMPLETE, Round 9 open for entries

  1. Question on #26: I’d sent as far as I’d written (Page 7), though it wasn’t a full 250 words. Did you not critique it because it was short? If I write a little more, may I submit for round 9?
    Thanks so much.

  2. Hi! I was #12. I missed a couple of rounds, but submitted on time this time. I think I listed all the info on my entry, so I’m unsure as to why it wasn’t included… What did I miss? Thanks a bunch for doing this!:)

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