Round 9 COMPLETE, Round 10 Open for Entries

UPDATE :  Page-off #1 Free-tique winner: #64!   The fundraising deadline for Round 10 will NOT be moved, seeing as the race is tomorrow morning.  We are still $105 short. So people who want Round 10 to go,   Help us get to Round 10 by saving a furry life and clicking on this link and donating! A new fundraising goal has been set.  

However the submission deadline for Round 10 will be moved to Monday 9/23/2012 at 11:59PM CST since many of you requested more time because of the weekend.

Page-Off #2 People:  Please ATTACH your manuscript (up to 6250 words)  in an email to the sub address. In the subject line, put “PAGE-OFF #2, Format, MS title…. e.g. “Page-Off #2, MG, THIS ROCKS!”)

New Entrants, Old Entrants who have missed prior rounds, and those who have received Round 9 results, you may submit for Round 10.  The deadline for Round 10 is now MONDAY, 9/23/2012 at 11:59pm CST.  Have no idea how to play? Read the rules here and come back.


Thank you so much for your donations.  Kissy is #4 for the entire PAWS organization.  Who knew that this little idea to help a fellow furry friend, timed with our annual RLGL contest,  would actually help a LOT of furry pals. You’ve made a real difference for homeless cats and dogs in our city. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU.

This is it, people. Kissy and I have to put on our warm-up suits and get ready for the Run/Walk event this weekend. So send us to the finish line if you can.   This will be your last chance to donate for the contest and your last opportunity to save lives.

Help us get to Round 10 by saving a furry life and clicking on this link and donating! A new fundraising goal has been set.

Round 9 Results *COMPLETE, except for Page-off #1 People*

#         type       Send in 250  Back to Start         Notes

6 MG
12 YA X
29 PB
38 MG X Unfortunately, I just didn’t get a strong sense of what the overarching conflict of this story would be and what is potentially at stake…The setup now feels like a preamble. I wonder if the actual start of your story is somewhere further in your book.
40 MG X
44 YA
48 MG
50 YA
60 MG X
61 YA X* If this book turns magical, I would make sure hints of that are reflected upfront otherwise, it will feel like someone changed the channel….from realistic fiction to fantasy…
62 MG
64 YA
67 MG
207 PB
213 MG
216 PB
217 CB
222 MG
224 MG X You’re in Page-off #2
225 MG X You’re in Page-off #2
226 MG X* By this many pages, I’d hope the story would have moved forward more… a whole page devoted to this particular topic seems a bit much …pacing is dragging substantially.
227 PB
237 MG X Describe the man a bit more, upon first sighting.  You’re in the Page-off #2.
239 MG X You’re in Page-off #2
304 YA
307 MG X* This is definitely a bit strange but I’m curious Feel like you need to make the MC’s voice a bit stronger though.  Characterize her a bit more throughout so she can really carry this story.
313 MG X
314 MG
319 PB
400 CB
407 PB X* This needs some serious editing to tighten up the pacing for a PB, but I still want to see what happens
500 MG X* Feel like your story actually starts closer to page 5, with the move.   The rest is everyday stuff leading up to an incident that changed his life… parts of this could have been easily used as backstory, while your forward story begins with the move…
501 MG X* I’d shorten the giant graph in the middle and get the main point across versus the whole spiel? Slows your pacing
508 ER
509 YA
510 MG
511 PB
514 MG
517 MG X* This backstory is getting a bit long to be right in the middle of a live scene — Cut it down and try to move the story forward more…..
520 YA
521 MG X
528 MG X
529 PB
532 YA X* I really want to be more pulled in by this story, but I’m losing interest. I feel like I’m lacking plot that’s going to feel different than typical teenage stuff. I know you’re opening hinted at something different – but it doesn’t really seem to effect things. SHow me the point where the special unique thing affects the story.  Maybe this book is starting in the wrong place?
537 MG X By this many pages, I just couldn’t be pulled into her predicament because I didn’t have much to work with to build the empathy I would need to root for her.  See if you can work in details about her backstory, that will make a reader want to see her come out okay… Or try a different place to open the book… See Revision 911 article for novels on
538 MG
600 PB
602 MG X* I’d describe what else they saw … what they think might have happened before moving onto the next scene
603 PB X Unfortunately, by this many words, I’d hoped we could have gotten a lot farther. Also, I’m sensing the so-what in this book may not be strong enough.  I do like the story-telling quality though – consider theme of your story and connect that with your target audience.
604 MG s
605 YA
608 YA
609 MG X This is so strange, but intriguing. 🙂
615 CB X* There’s so much charm here embodied in this little character, I want to see the pacing tightened though and you might need a stronger opening overall… I still want to see what happens though
617 CB
618 PB
623 BB
626 MG X* Slow down a bit.  A bit confusing as to what’s going on. I’m also having  trouble picturing some things visually.  Also I believe an event is referred to here that we didn’t see… It sounds important and I wondered if you should have started there with the story, otherwise, it feels conveniently jammed in here.
701 ER
706 MG
712 YA X
715 PB X This was cute, but the story itself didn’t feel like it had a big enough so what?  Identify what this story’s theme is and then see if you can revise the elements so the story can carry a picture book.
718 X This has potential – the overall idea, the humor, etc. but the story arc is very flat.  Show me more trouble at the zoo through a typical three-obstacle structure. Show me more conflict by having the human character want the opposite of what he wants the end…. Go full circle – see revision 9-1-1 for PBs on wfcat. for more ideas on what to do.  Grab a strong theme to hang this story on.
720 X* With the larger-than-life premise, I really want you to make this main character really stand out in an authentic sense (make her feel as real as possible) so the story overall has believability.
724 X* Enjoy the charm here and really glad a kiddo came into the story… but I hope this has a good so-what
800 PB
801 X I like the concept but felt the poetry /rhyme should come in stronger /snappier.  See if you can also shorten this significantly so that a teacher could read it aloud fairly quickly and still get some points across the kiddos.  Maybe pick one or two details each and give this more of a story arc.  So that it builds up to a climax that kids will anticipate at the end.
805 CB X* This reads more like a young MG than a chapter book, given the story’s pacing. Also I’d refer to the parental figure as the mother / mom….
807 PB X* This is cute, but I’m not sure the cumulartive arc is really working here with a specific purpose….Hmm… Let’s see what happens…
808 CB X Unfortunately, this opening seems to be character development for the parental figure and not necessarily setting up your MC and your potential plot as a star.  Reconsider how you open this story….
810 MG
811 PB X Overall, I felt the execution wasn’t strong enough. Work on your pacing and using snappier language to write a PB. Consider that story arc that you need to build as well. The concept is good though.  See Revision 911 for PBs on for more tips
813 PB X Unfortunately, I expected much more through the end of page 2… Like serious mayhem brought on purporsefully by the two MCs. This just felt like it didn’t stand out enough.
815 PB X I like the literal interpretation but this just feels much too wordy for a PB. I also couldn’t grasp what the so-what was by this many words.
900 PB X* The two types of animals in this PB feels very familiar so a current bestselling PB. This could be problematic. This intro is also a bit slow, try to cut to half this size… I’ll read on to see where this goes though since it does have a very child-like sensibility to it
901 PB X This intro has a very slice-of-life kind of feeling to it (needs to really stand out instead!). And in this many lines, the concept get a bit buried.  Consider writing this as narrative versus dialogue and in a much shorter, snappier # of lines.
902 Unassigned
903 PB X* While  charming, I’m not sure this reads like the story is important enough..   I’ll give it another page and see if it reads stronger…
904 PB X* A good concept, but I wonder if the character development is strong/memorable enough to stand out….I’ll read another page to see where this goes, but it’s gotta feel super-memorable versus everyday-ish.
905 PB X This one tackles a great concept, but I fear the execution does not feel innovative enough to stand out. It feels intentionally repetitive but not necessarily in a good way.  Try approaching this with a unique kiddo voice.
906 ER X* This seems to fall out of guidelines in terms of sentence structure, repetition for ERs.  But I feel like the story so far fits the ER format. Let’s see what happens next
907 PB X I hope this builds into something totally ridiculous.  Cumulative PBs can be really fun.
908 MG X Unfortunately, there are two many forced details in the opening lines.  Be mindful of jamming in details in places where the context doesn’t motivate the placement of the detail.  See Revision 9-1-1 for Novels on
909 PB X The elements of this one felt a bit loose to me.  The topic is certainly workable, it’s the execution that I question.
910 PB X
911 PB X The prose-ish style reads more like a longer-length work than a PB. The main character’s voice also contributes to this feeling.  Consider using your writing style for longer-length works.
912 PB X* Feel like this concept needs to be simplified somewhat as a PB, or it might be better suited as a concept that could work as a chapter book. I like the two major elements… want to see where this heads….
913 YA X* This is reading more like a young middle grade novel than a YA. Want to see where this goes…
914 PB X* This one is very quirky, but there is a certain charm to it.  Let’s see where this goes…
915 PB X Unfortunately, this was too hard for me to picture as a PB – what would the pictures look like and would it be visually appealing or just strange? Hmm… This didn’t totally grab me as an opener, others may feel otherwise.



10 thoughts on “Round 9 COMPLETE, Round 10 Open for Entries

  1. Thank you, Cynthea for taking so much time to do this! Your comments were so helpful. Its always good to get another perspective! I hope the walk goes well:)

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